yeah, i know i stole that title from jenn's blog.
changing my name is much weirder than i though it would be. having gotten married in the 21st century, it was completely my choice to do it. i asked matt what he thought and he wouldn't give an opinion one way or the other; he said that it is an individual decision. i want my future possible kids to have the same name as their mom and their dad. and i want to have the same name as my life partner.
it took me a while to do it after the wedding because i had plane tickets to denver in my old name and i figured they probably wouldn't let me on the plane if my ticket said macdonald and my license said beatty. now that i've been back for a month, i'm almost completely switched over. the first thing i had to do was get my marriage license. then i used that to change my drivers license and social security card, both of which were mailed to me a few weeks later rather than given to me on the spot. so i had to run around with a paper version of my new drivers license (they wouldn't let me keep the old one temporarily), which was kind of crappy because apparently you can't get a library card or a margarita with a paper drivers license. i'm also kind of annoyed because i just had gotten a renewal license in may and my photo was so cute! i mean, i looked good! you'd think that with their huge state-wide database, they could save people's pictures for however long just in case people lose their license or, say, change their name, but no. so my new picture just looks blah. i look kind of plain-jane, and suburban (which i'm not) and wife-y. and i don't even know what i mean by that because i'm having all kinds of strange emotions and ideas about wife-y-ness floating up from who knows where into my head. i mean, nothing has changed between me and matt since we got married other than the legal, but all of a sudden i'm feeling aware of all these archetypes and connotations and stuff. and i feel like i have to sort out what my definition of being a wife is from that of society, or past society, or other people, or tv, or whatever else. i mean, is it a description? a label? an honor? a relationship? a role? what kind? i think i might be confusing matt with all this. he says i'm exactly the same person i was the second before we got married, and he just wants me to be myself. and he's right, but where is all this other stuff coming from?
so then i had to use my new license to switch stuff over at my bank and at work, all of which have taken much longer than the last two things, so i've been in this weird name-limbo for a month. i say beatty for some things and macdonald for others, and i sign beatty on everything except for my debit card transactions because they haven't sent me my new card yet. just today they figured it out at work and i couldn't get into my computer because my log-in was changed (and, frustratingly, i could only open the email explaining how to log in with my new name once i'd logged in with my new name). and the voicemail greeting i left today was that my name changed so from now on this will be marissa beatty's voicemail. it feels so optional what my name is all of a sudden. like dying my hair. like i could wake up tomorrow and decide that i want to be called sarah jones and tell everyone that's what they have to call me from now on. and i have this amnesic feeling that i'm going to forget my name. which is kind of like forgetting who you are, right? but then again not really...it brings up the whole "a rose by any other name" thing.
anyway, it's provoked a lot more thought and feeling than i thought would happen, for sure. i do like my new name. it feels very english. and easier to say after my first name. it flows better. and of course i love the man that "gave" it to me from a bottomless well. so that helps.
have a fantastic thanksgiving, everyone. peace.
-marissa beatty :)
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3 comments:
i'm so jealous! i wanna get married and change my name!
well, actually, i can see how the name changing thing is really weird. i'm very attached to my last name (especially now that my dad is gone and it's something i got from him), but i wouldn't want to have a different name from my child. and i also like the idea of getting to have dwe's name; it feels like a privilege in some ways.
anyway, i like your new name too.
and the process by which dmv pictures do or don't get changed is mystifying to me. i had the same ugly picture of the 18-year-old me for ten years (despite getting several new licenses), and then they finally took a new one. i love the one i have now, so i'm just praying that they don't change it, but who knows?
I totally get the name changing dilemma. My darling Mother has changed her name 3 times since I've been aware (and is now officially back to her maiden name) and it's always difficult. My grandma, being progressive and awesome, changed her name for personal purposes but kept her maiden name for professional ones. And I like your new name, too, though it's hard for your friends to switch their mindsets as well!
Oh, and all I could think of was, "why not change your name to Princess Consuela Banana-hammock?"!
then poor matt would have to change his name to "crap bag" :(
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