wow, i haven't blogged in over a month! for one thing, my laptop is dying and the "m" key has stopped functioning. for a while, i thought it was an interesting challenge to try to write things without ever using an "m," but that got old fast. then i figured out that if i copied an "m" in text somewhere, i can paste it in, so now all "m"s are produced not by hitting the "m" key, but by pressing "control-v" for paste. now i'm starting to notice the "v" key having problems. shit.
mainly, though, i've been busy working and playing.
work: i have a new supervisor who is extremely "by the books," rather critical, and a bit of a micro-manager. she is also a wealth of knowledge about policy, practice, and law. so i can either panic and get frustrated, or realize this for a great learning opportunity and a chance to hone my skills. i fluctuate between the two daily. i also have a full caseload for the first time since i started in lane county...and it's getting fuller weekly. so i've been consumed by work like i used to be in portland.
play: i also just got back from my pseudo-honeymoon to colorado. i won't blog much about it because "a picture is worth a thousand words" and i have posted the visual equivalent of 33,000 words--along with a handful of actual words--in the "pics" section of my myspace page. i'd encourage you to check it out if you want to read about our trip.
what i do want to talk about here is something i thought about a lot while i was on vacation (particularly when i found myself exhausted at the end of a long day of standing around tasting beer and wanting to go back to the hotel room and make out with my husband rather than following the drunken throng to the bars): the concept of play. it's definitely something that evolves and changes during the course of one's life. babies wave their hands around and make funny faces. toddlers crack themselves up by sticking things in their ears and up their nose. then they discover their reflection in the mirror and that opens up a whole new world of play. by the time they're in school, kids' play gets more complex. imagination is involved in the form of invisible friends, a functioning family of dolls, a working army of lego-men, elaborate schemes to build a fort and take over the neighborhood... complex sets of rules are involved as well, as evidenced in games like kickball, capture-the-flag, (or, in the case of today's obese-kid generation, joining a gang and shooting up the 'hood on the screen in video games). this kind of play is more formal and organized when kids get into high school and are playing jv and varsity sports and on the computer creating their own video games using programming. another kind of play emerges at this time that involves the discovery and pursuit of the opposite (or same) sex: high school dances, sneaking around making out, girls shopping for cute outfits and giggling with friends about who thinks who's hot, guys working on their cars and muscles to impress the girls, etc. in college, play often turns into an adrenaline-fueled full-time party, which hopefully the kids grow out of eventually as they mature into adults. some of this--going out dancing, happy hour with work friends, travelling to other countries all by oneself in attempt to "seize the day"--carries over throughout one's 20's. but so often, in the process of maturing into adults, people lose the concept of play entirely. for myself, i've noticed that in the last year or so i've lost nearly all interest in staying out all night doing tequila shots and dancing my ass off. after careful consideration, i've decided that this has pretty much nothing to do with the fact that i am married to someone who has absolutely no desire to do such things. it's just that it doesn't really do it for me anymore. the last time i went to las vegas with my high school girlfriends for our annual girls' weekend, i was sitting down, taking my high heels off, and rubbing my sore feet as closing time drew near at the club, not shrieking with drunken glee and wondering where the after party was. so am i outgrowing play? am i on the path toward becoming one of those stuck, bored, middle-aged people who go to work, come home, watch some tv, and go to bed with nothing to look forward to the next day except more of the same?
NO. absolutely not. just like school kids who have discovered that dodge ball does it for them a lot more than sticking carrots up their nose, i need to find my new play. i don't really have to look far. i've pretty much found it without looking. lately i have taken a lot of joy in creative pursuits like cooking and photography, in travelling, and especially in moving my body in healthy, sober ways (don't worry, i'm not going all clean-and-sober on your ass or anything crazy like that. ;) not until i'm pregnant anyway...). yoga, swimming, biking, skiing, running. that is my new play. and i'm comforted in knowing that later in life, once my body wears down and isn't as able to handle this new play as it is now, i'll find something else. or it will find me. i'm discovering that possibly my favorite thing about myself is my ability to find the joy.
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4 comments:
Welcome back home (and thanks for the postcard -- New Belgium was one of the first beers I ever drank so it also brings back fond memories!!). What a poignant and thought-provoking post. One of the things I love and admire about you is your ability to find joy in the things you do. And I'm thrilled to see how happy you are in your life right now!
bets,
good, i'm glad the postcard found you. while i was sitting there beer tasting, i called and/or texted EVERYONE who might have your address, so i could mail the postcard, and you were the only one who got back to me while i was still there. (of course i didn't realize--because i was on vacation--that it was friday afternoon and everyone was at work...) and then i couldn't tell you why i needed it.
I also liked your post...very interesting. I've thought about that as well, although I don't call it play. I just have been thinking recently about what I do with my time to make it fulfilling/joy-filled (compared to how I did this when I was younger). And I also find it MUCH less interesting/fun(meaning I barely ever do it anymore) now to stay out very late, drinking, partying, socializing, whatever. I like your concept of new play. I think of it as: the day is as important if not more than the night, so having a fulfilling day is as important as a fulfilling night. And work can be fulfilling, hopefully for most people (maybe not play exactly, but not bad either). And of course, it helps a LOT to break up the work days with interesting things like skiing, travelling, socailizing, etc (like you said). I think one reason kids seem to be able to play easier is that everything is new to them, exciting (I also heard that somewhere). Things are still somewhat new as a young adult, but I think as we get older we think "been there, done that", etc. But I agree with Bets, you've always been able to get joy out of life (and to "play"), and I am glad you still joyfull. You also are very good about spreading the joy to others; its contagious.
Hope that made sense. : )
now that i'm settled into my job and apartment and relationship, i've been thinking a lot more about how i spend my time and how i want to spend my time. i worry a little because i don't see my bay area friends enough (and those friendships are still new enough that they need some regular maintenance), but i often just feel like staying at home. it's tricky, because sometimes it's 'cause i'm depressed, but it's also because going out isn't as exciting as it once was, and i don't want to spend the money, etc.
anyway, usually when i'm thinking about how i'm spending my time, i'm worrying that i'm not being productive enough, so thanks for reminding me that playing is important too.
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