Wednesday, October 31, 2007
it's the little things
i have been moping around all week. i've been kinda sick, and just plain mope-y for no particular reason. maybe it's seasonal affective something. who knows. anyway, i was going to come on here and blog "mopety mope mope mope" for however many paragraphs until i felt better, but two things happened in the meantime. first, matt (who knows i've been mopey because i moped all over him this morning before dragging my ass out of bed at 8:30 to be quite late to work), texted me a picture of glenwood hot springs because he knows how much blissful fun i had there and he wanted to make me feel better. it worked. my heart got that warm, fuzzy feeling for a minute. and then i went to look at the blog of a woman i went to college with whose blog i look at from time to time, and she had posted a picture where she had carved the mathematical symbol "pi" into a pumpkin! pumpkin pie!! and it was all lit up and glowing. and now i'm smiling again. :)
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
back from vacation
wow, i haven't blogged in over a month! for one thing, my laptop is dying and the "m" key has stopped functioning. for a while, i thought it was an interesting challenge to try to write things without ever using an "m," but that got old fast. then i figured out that if i copied an "m" in text somewhere, i can paste it in, so now all "m"s are produced not by hitting the "m" key, but by pressing "control-v" for paste. now i'm starting to notice the "v" key having problems. shit.
mainly, though, i've been busy working and playing.
work: i have a new supervisor who is extremely "by the books," rather critical, and a bit of a micro-manager. she is also a wealth of knowledge about policy, practice, and law. so i can either panic and get frustrated, or realize this for a great learning opportunity and a chance to hone my skills. i fluctuate between the two daily. i also have a full caseload for the first time since i started in lane county...and it's getting fuller weekly. so i've been consumed by work like i used to be in portland.
play: i also just got back from my pseudo-honeymoon to colorado. i won't blog much about it because "a picture is worth a thousand words" and i have posted the visual equivalent of 33,000 words--along with a handful of actual words--in the "pics" section of my myspace page. i'd encourage you to check it out if you want to read about our trip.
what i do want to talk about here is something i thought about a lot while i was on vacation (particularly when i found myself exhausted at the end of a long day of standing around tasting beer and wanting to go back to the hotel room and make out with my husband rather than following the drunken throng to the bars): the concept of play. it's definitely something that evolves and changes during the course of one's life. babies wave their hands around and make funny faces. toddlers crack themselves up by sticking things in their ears and up their nose. then they discover their reflection in the mirror and that opens up a whole new world of play. by the time they're in school, kids' play gets more complex. imagination is involved in the form of invisible friends, a functioning family of dolls, a working army of lego-men, elaborate schemes to build a fort and take over the neighborhood... complex sets of rules are involved as well, as evidenced in games like kickball, capture-the-flag, (or, in the case of today's obese-kid generation, joining a gang and shooting up the 'hood on the screen in video games). this kind of play is more formal and organized when kids get into high school and are playing jv and varsity sports and on the computer creating their own video games using programming. another kind of play emerges at this time that involves the discovery and pursuit of the opposite (or same) sex: high school dances, sneaking around making out, girls shopping for cute outfits and giggling with friends about who thinks who's hot, guys working on their cars and muscles to impress the girls, etc. in college, play often turns into an adrenaline-fueled full-time party, which hopefully the kids grow out of eventually as they mature into adults. some of this--going out dancing, happy hour with work friends, travelling to other countries all by oneself in attempt to "seize the day"--carries over throughout one's 20's. but so often, in the process of maturing into adults, people lose the concept of play entirely. for myself, i've noticed that in the last year or so i've lost nearly all interest in staying out all night doing tequila shots and dancing my ass off. after careful consideration, i've decided that this has pretty much nothing to do with the fact that i am married to someone who has absolutely no desire to do such things. it's just that it doesn't really do it for me anymore. the last time i went to las vegas with my high school girlfriends for our annual girls' weekend, i was sitting down, taking my high heels off, and rubbing my sore feet as closing time drew near at the club, not shrieking with drunken glee and wondering where the after party was. so am i outgrowing play? am i on the path toward becoming one of those stuck, bored, middle-aged people who go to work, come home, watch some tv, and go to bed with nothing to look forward to the next day except more of the same?
NO. absolutely not. just like school kids who have discovered that dodge ball does it for them a lot more than sticking carrots up their nose, i need to find my new play. i don't really have to look far. i've pretty much found it without looking. lately i have taken a lot of joy in creative pursuits like cooking and photography, in travelling, and especially in moving my body in healthy, sober ways (don't worry, i'm not going all clean-and-sober on your ass or anything crazy like that. ;) not until i'm pregnant anyway...). yoga, swimming, biking, skiing, running. that is my new play. and i'm comforted in knowing that later in life, once my body wears down and isn't as able to handle this new play as it is now, i'll find something else. or it will find me. i'm discovering that possibly my favorite thing about myself is my ability to find the joy.
mainly, though, i've been busy working and playing.
work: i have a new supervisor who is extremely "by the books," rather critical, and a bit of a micro-manager. she is also a wealth of knowledge about policy, practice, and law. so i can either panic and get frustrated, or realize this for a great learning opportunity and a chance to hone my skills. i fluctuate between the two daily. i also have a full caseload for the first time since i started in lane county...and it's getting fuller weekly. so i've been consumed by work like i used to be in portland.
play: i also just got back from my pseudo-honeymoon to colorado. i won't blog much about it because "a picture is worth a thousand words" and i have posted the visual equivalent of 33,000 words--along with a handful of actual words--in the "pics" section of my myspace page. i'd encourage you to check it out if you want to read about our trip.
what i do want to talk about here is something i thought about a lot while i was on vacation (particularly when i found myself exhausted at the end of a long day of standing around tasting beer and wanting to go back to the hotel room and make out with my husband rather than following the drunken throng to the bars): the concept of play. it's definitely something that evolves and changes during the course of one's life. babies wave their hands around and make funny faces. toddlers crack themselves up by sticking things in their ears and up their nose. then they discover their reflection in the mirror and that opens up a whole new world of play. by the time they're in school, kids' play gets more complex. imagination is involved in the form of invisible friends, a functioning family of dolls, a working army of lego-men, elaborate schemes to build a fort and take over the neighborhood... complex sets of rules are involved as well, as evidenced in games like kickball, capture-the-flag, (or, in the case of today's obese-kid generation, joining a gang and shooting up the 'hood on the screen in video games). this kind of play is more formal and organized when kids get into high school and are playing jv and varsity sports and on the computer creating their own video games using programming. another kind of play emerges at this time that involves the discovery and pursuit of the opposite (or same) sex: high school dances, sneaking around making out, girls shopping for cute outfits and giggling with friends about who thinks who's hot, guys working on their cars and muscles to impress the girls, etc. in college, play often turns into an adrenaline-fueled full-time party, which hopefully the kids grow out of eventually as they mature into adults. some of this--going out dancing, happy hour with work friends, travelling to other countries all by oneself in attempt to "seize the day"--carries over throughout one's 20's. but so often, in the process of maturing into adults, people lose the concept of play entirely. for myself, i've noticed that in the last year or so i've lost nearly all interest in staying out all night doing tequila shots and dancing my ass off. after careful consideration, i've decided that this has pretty much nothing to do with the fact that i am married to someone who has absolutely no desire to do such things. it's just that it doesn't really do it for me anymore. the last time i went to las vegas with my high school girlfriends for our annual girls' weekend, i was sitting down, taking my high heels off, and rubbing my sore feet as closing time drew near at the club, not shrieking with drunken glee and wondering where the after party was. so am i outgrowing play? am i on the path toward becoming one of those stuck, bored, middle-aged people who go to work, come home, watch some tv, and go to bed with nothing to look forward to the next day except more of the same?
NO. absolutely not. just like school kids who have discovered that dodge ball does it for them a lot more than sticking carrots up their nose, i need to find my new play. i don't really have to look far. i've pretty much found it without looking. lately i have taken a lot of joy in creative pursuits like cooking and photography, in travelling, and especially in moving my body in healthy, sober ways (don't worry, i'm not going all clean-and-sober on your ass or anything crazy like that. ;) not until i'm pregnant anyway...). yoga, swimming, biking, skiing, running. that is my new play. and i'm comforted in knowing that later in life, once my body wears down and isn't as able to handle this new play as it is now, i'll find something else. or it will find me. i'm discovering that possibly my favorite thing about myself is my ability to find the joy.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
they're BAAAck...
in case you were wondering about the recent absence of nutria from this blog, they eventually grew up and migrated out from under our deck back to amazon creek. thank god! and we had a lovely, nutria-free late summer in which otis could run (on his run-rope--not able to let him run freely without a fence just yet) around the yard un-harmed, grace was not afraid to go outside, and i could hang out on the back deck enjoying the twilight and a beer without first having to scrape up rodent shit.
the first red flag came when the house started to smell like cat piss. since neither one of us is secretly operating a meth lab, we blamed it on gracie's old age. she's getting a bit geriatric these days. oh well, i guess maybe it's time for a litter box.
but then the compost pile i've been cultivating all summer started to look like someone had been in it. hmm...
and then this morning i walked outside to find half of my beautiful container garden (i've been growing rosemary, dill, parsley, chives, basil, oregano, and sage) KNOCKED OVER AND BROKEN, and a familiar little pile of oily, oval-shaped droppings on the deck stairs.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
the first red flag came when the house started to smell like cat piss. since neither one of us is secretly operating a meth lab, we blamed it on gracie's old age. she's getting a bit geriatric these days. oh well, i guess maybe it's time for a litter box.
but then the compost pile i've been cultivating all summer started to look like someone had been in it. hmm...
and then this morning i walked outside to find half of my beautiful container garden (i've been growing rosemary, dill, parsley, chives, basil, oregano, and sage) KNOCKED OVER AND BROKEN, and a familiar little pile of oily, oval-shaped droppings on the deck stairs.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
marley (& otis) & me
i just got done reading marley & me (john grogan). ever since i got otis, dog people have been asking me if i'd read it yet, so i finally did. it's about this yellow lab, marley (who reminds me a lot of otis: jumps on people, freaks out and scratches up walls when left alone in the garage, dragged an entire cafe table out from under the people eating on it and halfway down the street), and his human family. it starts with marley as a fuzzy little puppy and ends up where you had better have a box of kleenex with you. it's well-written, and if you're a dog person i'd definitely recommend it (it would probably be pretty boring if you're not).
but the thing about it was, it was just so damn norman-rockwell-y! it simultaneously comforted me and grated on my nerves that, despite the true-to-life gory detail with which grogan described marley's "adventures," he never seemed to get truly furious at this dog! marley did some stuff that was way worse than otis would even think of (got kicked out of obedicence school, chewed up his metal crate until his teeth fell out and he was bleeding, then ran around the house smearing his doggie blood everywhere and destroying furniture), and yet it was written about in this 50's sitcom, "look at that! silly old marley..." kind of way that made me feel guilty about the times i've shouted at otis--not out of discipline but out of pure, blood-boiling frustration--until he cowered in the corner tucking his tail (please don't send Dog Protective Services to come take my puppy away!).
john grogan did write the book after marley's death, however, so i'm sure a good deal of nostalgia and "don't speak ill of the dead" played into his style. and he did talk about the time his wife was ready to take marley to the pound, so he doubled his efforts and got up at ass-o-clock every morning for a last-ditch marley-training-effort until marley was at least as "trained" as he was going to get. maybe he's just an incredibly patient, devoted man. or maybe having marley grew and strengthened those traits in him. i know otis has done that for us. i have said, on more than one occasion, "i'm taking him to the pound!" (though i never mean it). and matt has told me a few times "there is no peace around here! just OTIS!" but we talk each other down from our otis-hating ledges, and we ramp up (however temporarily) the efforts to make him a good dog. and i think having him around for the last year has cultivated our patience tremendously. and that patience has helped us deal more effectively with our jobs, with all the stupid shitty things that happen in life (like weekly flat tires on my commuter bike...), and with each other.
but the thing about it was, it was just so damn norman-rockwell-y! it simultaneously comforted me and grated on my nerves that, despite the true-to-life gory detail with which grogan described marley's "adventures," he never seemed to get truly furious at this dog! marley did some stuff that was way worse than otis would even think of (got kicked out of obedicence school, chewed up his metal crate until his teeth fell out and he was bleeding, then ran around the house smearing his doggie blood everywhere and destroying furniture), and yet it was written about in this 50's sitcom, "look at that! silly old marley..." kind of way that made me feel guilty about the times i've shouted at otis--not out of discipline but out of pure, blood-boiling frustration--until he cowered in the corner tucking his tail (please don't send Dog Protective Services to come take my puppy away!).
john grogan did write the book after marley's death, however, so i'm sure a good deal of nostalgia and "don't speak ill of the dead" played into his style. and he did talk about the time his wife was ready to take marley to the pound, so he doubled his efforts and got up at ass-o-clock every morning for a last-ditch marley-training-effort until marley was at least as "trained" as he was going to get. maybe he's just an incredibly patient, devoted man. or maybe having marley grew and strengthened those traits in him. i know otis has done that for us. i have said, on more than one occasion, "i'm taking him to the pound!" (though i never mean it). and matt has told me a few times "there is no peace around here! just OTIS!" but we talk each other down from our otis-hating ledges, and we ramp up (however temporarily) the efforts to make him a good dog. and i think having him around for the last year has cultivated our patience tremendously. and that patience has helped us deal more effectively with our jobs, with all the stupid shitty things that happen in life (like weekly flat tires on my commuter bike...), and with each other.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
homesick
i've been having a pretty rough time this week. all the rushing around moving and getting married is done and i'm settling in, and it is suddenly really hitting me that i don't live in portland anymore. most of my friends and family (the ones who don't live really far away) are 2 hours north up I-5. and it's really FLAT here. i heard the other day that buildings are not allowed to be taller than 8 stories. i miss the skyline. i miss city lights reflecting off of the river. i miss how the shade of the buildings keeps downtown cool in the hot summer. i miss all the bridges with cars rushing over them in different directions. i miss the endless dining possibilities and all the different bars. i know i'm going to miss the hell out of the christmas tree in pioneer courthouse square this winter.
what i really miss is my friends. i know you guys are still my friends, so i don't feel a total loss, but it is really hard not to be able to just call someone and say "let's go get a beer at widmer after work," or "let's go on a bike ride," or "come hang out with me on my back patio." now it has to be an entire day--if not overnight--planned trip complete with dog-care arrangements if i want to hang out.
i do not regret moving here. i very much support matt and this ninkasi thing (plus there's a good possibility it could make us rich!). and there are so many things i love about this town, like the bike paths, the vegetable gardens in everyone's front yards, the very cool down-to-earth people i'm meeting, and the general way of life. it's just another life transition, and sometimes those are tough.
i know a lot of you guys have, at some point in your lives, packed up and moved away to a new city for whatever reason. anyone have any advice for me?
what i really miss is my friends. i know you guys are still my friends, so i don't feel a total loss, but it is really hard not to be able to just call someone and say "let's go get a beer at widmer after work," or "let's go on a bike ride," or "come hang out with me on my back patio." now it has to be an entire day--if not overnight--planned trip complete with dog-care arrangements if i want to hang out.
i do not regret moving here. i very much support matt and this ninkasi thing (plus there's a good possibility it could make us rich!). and there are so many things i love about this town, like the bike paths, the vegetable gardens in everyone's front yards, the very cool down-to-earth people i'm meeting, and the general way of life. it's just another life transition, and sometimes those are tough.
i know a lot of you guys have, at some point in your lives, packed up and moved away to a new city for whatever reason. anyone have any advice for me?
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
6 am, pukey dog
i woke up half an hour ago to the sound of otis vomiting right next to my head. then he went around the bed to matt's side and vomited there. matt was already up cleaning the dog puke when i came to full consciousness (it takes me a while). he said, as otis started puking a third time, "why don't you take your dog outside. you wanted to get up at 6:30 anyway." ugh.
we're in the phase in our lives right now where we need to make a very important decision fairly quickly: are we going to have children? i go back and forth on that issue several times a day. this morning i was definitely thinking "no way." not if it means no one ever gets anymore sleep and we're always grouchy with one another. but then when i took otis outside i noticed it had just rained, and that it smelled like almost-fall (one of my favorite smells), and that if i take otis on a long walk east i get to see the sunrise, and i thought "ok, morning is good." and then otis put his little fuzzy head on my lap as i turned on my computer and said with his puppy-eyes "mama, i don't feel good," and it felt good to snuggle him. so who knows?
i'm going to go take pukey mcpukerson outside and watch the sunrise. :)
we're in the phase in our lives right now where we need to make a very important decision fairly quickly: are we going to have children? i go back and forth on that issue several times a day. this morning i was definitely thinking "no way." not if it means no one ever gets anymore sleep and we're always grouchy with one another. but then when i took otis outside i noticed it had just rained, and that it smelled like almost-fall (one of my favorite smells), and that if i take otis on a long walk east i get to see the sunrise, and i thought "ok, morning is good." and then otis put his little fuzzy head on my lap as i turned on my computer and said with his puppy-eyes "mama, i don't feel good," and it felt good to snuggle him. so who knows?
i'm going to go take pukey mcpukerson outside and watch the sunrise. :)
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
mycrack
i am thoroughly addicted to myspace. i had a myspace page a long time ago, but i took it down once i realized all the 13 year old girls on my caseload--and several of their mothers--also had myspace pages and i didn't want them to find me out in cyberspace, see all my friends, and know too much about my personal life. since then, all kinds of my friends have gotten on myspace and i have been assured that i can set my profile to private (which i haven't yet figured out how to do) so that only my friends can "see" me. i started up my account again yesterday and played with it for HOURS. i even got up early this morning so i could play with it some more before i had to go to work. i LOVE myspace. now i know why so many teenagers are fat and blind--it's easy to get to where all you do is sit on your butt and stare at the screen! i need to go to Myspace Anonymous meetings or something. i've even got my DOG signed up for his own page (on dogster.com). this can turn into a serious obsession...
who'd have guessed that the internet they had when i was in high school (pretty much nonexistent, and only for serious nerds, geniuses, and rich adults--i had no idea how to use it) would turn into what it has, huh?
who'd have guessed that the internet they had when i was in high school (pretty much nonexistent, and only for serious nerds, geniuses, and rich adults--i had no idea how to use it) would turn into what it has, huh?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)